“And I would even fight God for you”

Look at an empty room where people were hanging out and doing various activities only hours ago. Think about faith. Imagine faith as that empty room. There it is, the blueprint for atcn’s lost concept album, May 25th. Keep hold of that image, please, as it will help you focus on what you’re about to read. The following text was written by Jonah Leslie Bradshaw, a true believer in religion. This is to show that we as an atheist organisation are more than willing to allow contrasting viewpoints. Signed, Johannes Dalgren, creative director / BOF Records

Good day in Christ, readers! Blessed be. I’m here to say a few words on the subject matter of this album which is a ferocious attack on the faith of me and my mom and dad and the nice people at our Church. Bless Lord God’s Holy NAME!

The album is subtitled “faith as experienced through five emotional spasms”. And so, it has been divided into five segments, on every side of the debate. O Lord have mercy on these apostates and their unGodsly drivel.

Disbelief 1

1. God does absolutely not exist

So this turns out to be an instrumental piece. It is truly fitting, that the opening of nihilistic atheism, is a “statement” without words. Such is the sureity of the Bastard unGodsly Folk.

2. I’m not a slave

And railing against the undying light of the Lord Holy Name. The guitars blare at the maximum volume. I’ve seen these little Shits myself when taking my God-Given yogging rounds. Scowling, pasty-faces little atheists, thinking their anger is an argument against God Holy Name.

3. And the Lord is kind

This is much better. They sing about some good things Christ Glorious Name has accomplished. What is wrong with that?

Doubt 1

4. Plea

According to the secret files possessed by those bastardly Masons of Truth, which I have cunningly stolen from them by making use of their “Free Information” law, these songs were created in a place called Studio Moses, which was in fact a secluded room in a dreadful city, where the record producer sat, lonely and sad. Listening to this track, that is easy to imagine. Doubt creeps into the Atheist’s worldview, which is good. But he also calls Christ (Glorious Name) a “wizard”, which is bad. Avoid the scourge of the Black Magic, which is dangerous and abuses Lord God’s HOLY NAME!!!

5. Blind

More true facts about how lonely and stupid you will be if you don’t give up every cent of your money and every moment of your time to religion. “Blind” indeed, fellows, hoist by your own petard, how very very fitting!

6. The cross

And here is the Most Holy Money Shot. In this very very good pop song tune the narrator learns to love Christ Lord Glorious Name. It is just the best and it gets me so excited.

Belief

7. You created the wind

We’ve all heard this one, of course. After all, it was the primary and most successful “Saintly Single”. The words are all true, but when I think of how many True Faithly Congregations were taken in by this scam, I tremble with God’s righteous fury. HOLY NAME!!!!!!

8. Jesus’ way

This is meant to be the centre of faith, but they’re just being silly buffoons now. This is what unGodsly “intellectuals” would describe as “satire”. It is just stupid.

9. Where trees that never die grow

Here the band goes for an unoriginal “God is good, organised religion is bad” stance. It is meant to be the beginning of the next phase of doubt, while still loving the Lord. What rot! They make the common mistake of associating the deeds of all those other, much less Godsly congregations with the true image of organised religion, when it is in fact MY congregation – Most Holy Champions of Lord God Holy Name and Christ Glorious Name of the Double Saints of the Church of South-Southwest Wheeltown – that is the most Holy and Righteous.

Doubt 2

10. Sent

Now this one gives me a kind of bad feeling. It is the beginning of real doubt for the main character. There is a lot of talk of believing in the Lord, which is then undone because of the smoldering remains of a broken romance. I can’t help but wonder about this. I’m going to have to talk to Christ about it.

11. Fall up

And the cosmic towering emptiness of a universe which has been vacated by God Lord. The song is divided in several parts with different voices giving witness to a world which is empty of meaning. They all sound cold and uncaring. The band has really succeeded in erecting a monument to the feeling one must presumably feel when one has lost faith in God. Holy Name…. One looks up at the firmament and it is empty. O Christ Glorious Name save me from the encroaching feeling of empty loneliness in this pitiful cosmos.

12. All of them are lonely

This one sounds like the most typical “atcn” song. More nihilism, main character now being outside of faith, looking back.

Disbelief 2

13. Freedom comfortably yields

According to the secret file, this one was written and recorded back in the ever-present “old city by the old lake”. Why do they always go on about that place? The file does not provide the answer. This is a joyful and surreal song that I suppose ostensibly represents the joy of freedom from the chains of magical thinking and embracing the world through rational logic. Which I suppose is an argument you can make. Hmm.

14. A lone human’s bible

This I believe was the stolen working title of the album. It is a Bowie-esque song with a very fascinating chord sequence. The lyrics are about something or other. Mr Haifa on the trumpet solo. …I’ve been trying to get ahold of Christ Glorious Name for the last 20 minutes, by the way, but he hasn’t been picking up. The music sounds more and more pleasing to me. There is urine pooling between my feet. My ears are hot. I feel like something is going to crawl up my throat. And the colours, the patterns!! I feel like I am not in my home anymore. Have I gone outside? Have I gone to become they who are separate? Well tied musicals to alternative written of conference the media. Aynmordlentpi I evah ebne ngiwokr in a oepcrjt rgeaman acytpcai wrehe eth eyk stideu csthter omfr teh veor het ndgsei sphae to laniyass to het aifnl lideevry fo het jtcerop ot teh itclne – inildgcnu aiganmgn the ercpjto (gduebt, srik caoftrs tec), a tame of ntaslsya, aamnge lctein speetitoacxn dna lguideao.

15. Core

This song is beautiful. The simple, lullaby-like chords which play over and over, always the same melody. The core does not seem to exist, but it never dies. It’s… True.

Sorry, had a small crisis of faith there. This is a marvelous but depressing record. If the lord is for real, he better show up soon to convice me, before I leave the Most Holy Champions of Lord God Holy Name and Christ Glorious Name of the Double Saints of the Church of South-Southwest Wheeltown to join the Masons of Truth. The ball is in your court, lordy!!

Written by Jonah Leslie Bradshaw / Most Holy Champions of Lord God Holy Name and Christ Glorious Name of the Double Saints of the Church of South-Southwest Wheeltown

No, wait, by Jonah Leslie Bradshaw / Grand Lodge of the Masons of Truth