Excerpt from ”Intensifying Hearts & Dreams” – season 17, episode 59

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Int: Location unknown, Pastor Jing’s auditing chamber

MARCIA is sitting despondently on the edge of a divan. Long time no see, MARCIA! She seems as scattered as ever, and is nervously looking around the small room, waiting for someone. There is a chair for a practitioner to sit in as well as a small table with a glass of water and an e-meter. MARCIA jumps, startled, when PASTOR JING suddenly enters. The PASTOR strides purposefully over to his chair, all the while scanning a folder held in his hand. He addresses his patient nonchalantly, without meeting her pleading gaze.

PASTOR JING

Right, MARCIA WILKINSON. You are troubled by memories of trauma sustained at the Gastronomy Institute and have been under the wicked influence of psychiatry. Is that correct?

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Sluggerhand (2015), part 1

“Frank faces his toughest opponent yet: True Love…”

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Album cover by Adam Sobranie

One album, an old comic book, plenty of important insights on life’s long path. Material collected over a long period in the band’s history from several disparate sources. The record starts in the past and moves toward the future, and begins in the future on a sure and austere path to the past. It starts and ends on literally the EXACT SAME CHORD, so you can listen to it on a loop all year long without needing to worry about the bad thoughts finding their way in. Continue reading

The Truthalizer™

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This latest product designed by the Masons of Truth will soon be available in new age establishments all across the European mainland! You can think of it as a subtle metal detector for the soul. Regardless of your spiritual alignment, The Truthalizer™ will improve your spiritual properties and galvanize your sense of self. It has everything today’s mindful seeker of Truth will enjoy!

The Truthalizercan:

• detect and prohibit dark thoughts!

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Roy Orbison uses the Truthalizer daily to check himself for Bilderberg-loyal woodticks

 

detect and neutralize government bugs implanted into your organs!

• freshen up your coat, suit or jacket using special Ante-Crease™ technology!

decrease your amount of body thetans by at least 18%!

• realign any wonky chakras using Gu-Right™ technology!

gauge the spiritual alignment of your lice, woodticks and/or parasites!

read and interpret your aura to enable sweet aura freshness for any occasion!

vacuum your contaminated immortal soul free of any false, socialist and/or sexual impulses!

If you’re a first time user of the Truthalizer™ you can call our Truthalizer™ Hotline to book an appointment with one of our licensed urban monks, who will guide you through this complex and rapturous spiritual experience. After three sessions you will be able to safely use the Truthalizer™ on your own. This safety measure has been put in place so you will not accidentally let dark thoughts, spirits or ghosts enter your godly mind and meddle with your immortal soul.

The Masons of Truth will offer the first session free of charge. After your three initial sessions (whereof you will pay for two) you are, as previously explained, eligible for personal use of this sophisticated and powerful tool. However, it is strongly recommended by the Masons of Truth and our glorious leader, mentor and guiding light – Jesus – to attend more personal training by our urban monks. Along with the more sophisticated training, you will then also be eligible to hold sessions with your own trainees for which you will be paid with rebates on other Truthcourses™. The more trainees, the merrier and more spiritual!

Interested? We thought so! For inquiries about orders and pricing, you can either call our Truthalizer Hotline at 06-666-666-665, or simply get in touch with the Masons of Truth Lodge closest to your residence. We look forward to hearing from your God-given soul!

 

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Excerpt from ”Intensifying Hearts & Dreams” – season 14, episode 62

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INT: The Intensifying Heart Club & Leisure Centre, in the bar

Seated at the bar are MONICA and her ex-employer, the aged MADAME MORGANNA, matriarch of the hair salon and arch-rival to DADDY and the Club.

Editor’s note: You don’t have to keep reminding us, Chad, everyone reading the stage directions already knows who she is. If you wanna remind people of the characters, put it in the ”previously” segment. It’s there for a reason, man. Also, if they are arch-rivals, why is she hanging out at his establishment?

 

MONICA

So I suppose you’ve heard the latest gossip about the ongoing conflict between DADDY and THE MAYOR? Continue reading

But why me? Oh but why me?

Dear Masons of Truth,

I do believe in the word of Christ and that Jesus Christ is our lord and savior – the way, the truth and the life. He died on the cross one fell Friday afternoon. Jesus has literary saved my life. Without him, not only would my life be much more dull and damp, but I would not be here today. I would be dead. This is hard to write. But it is the truth.

I have grown into the stories of Christ and the teachings of the bible. Many people in my experience can’t answer why we should believe the Bible. For me that is the most central question of all. I believe many Christians just take it for granted. But I do find it strange how you can call yourself a Christian and not believe in the Bible and the word of God? What can you believe then? Continue reading

Ask Three Fellows (vol. 03)

Dear reader,

many ask us masons all sorts of questions. As it should be. We do conduct research on a wide variety of issues, stretching from currency derivatives to genetically modified mice; from cricket fight gambling strategies to gerry mandering. As well as perhaps our most favorite subject: the life after this. There are many opinions on this topic and the truth lodge, being the biggest tent, is obviously the best place to go if you want to hash out the specifics about this. So, without further ado, what happens after you die? Continue reading