What happened at Jesus’s conception? Let’s see what some of the wisest men in the Grand Lodge of the Masons of Truth think of this. We asked Melchior Andersson, Caspar Xu and Balthazar McDonalds what they really think went down 9 months before that December night when the world welcomed the birth of the King of Jews. So let’s see what these fellows think.

Balthazar McDonalds – forester.  The deep, dark Canadian forest.

• It’s a beautiful story about God connecting with his subjects through the pure and holy Mary, mother of Jesus. I genuinely believe this story. In addition I would also like to emphasise that the tent of the Masons of Truth is freakin’ huge and it really catches ‘em all. This is truly the world’s first atheistic religious band!

Melchior Andersson – derivatives trader, Swedish auto aficionado and veggie-burger chef. Shoreditch, London.

• The narrative is slightly off. How would you feel if your girlfriend came home and said God impregnated her? And that her friend “Angèl Gabrièl” told her. It’s quite clear what happened.

Caspar Xu – cricket fight organizer and bible scholar. Xuhui, Shanghai

• I say as my old buddy Babydaddy: you don’t want to be worrying about the sperm composition on your girlfriend (or possibly within, I guess). Particularly if Angél is involved, that no good son-of-a-bitch. Everyone knows he is up to no good.