Numbers, do those exist? This is the question we put to our panel of wise and opinionated fellows this week.
Charlene Darlene – Proud Trumpist, sandwich consultant, junior semiautomatic guns 101 best-in-class ’89
No! Numbers is just lies as all God-honest patriots know! Numbers is occult Jew magic made up by the Jew Wall Street Washington Congress Swamp Hillary Clinton Pinko Liberal PC New World Order World-Controlling World Conspiracy!! Continue reading
How do you feel about the happy news that Her Most Risen Majesty Baroness Darjorie Doubletown-Spock of the Semi-Democratic Duchy of Provokia has finally released lovely photos of her brand-spanking-new baybee, the genetic future of her noble house, concieved upon her royal consort, Phil “Biggie” Bigge of the Luxembourgh Bigges?
Vivian Smith-Smythe-Smith, upperclass twit, British colonial enthusiast and part-time racist
Oh, jolly! It’s ever so jolly, old chap, when stalwart old chums bring such jolly, happy occasions. Biggie and yours truly were ever such fast friends, not to even mention the cricket, old chap! What a just smashing thing. And the common folk in the wide cabins are just as happy, I feel rather sure! Don’t let slip that I mentioned this, old chap, but second-cousin-once-removed Biggie and third-cousin-halfth-removed Vivvie made quite a jolly splash in the old rags, as it were! And for an not-quite-unspiffy penny, you ought to know. My dear semi-cousins were delighted to discover that several esteemed paper editors were so taken with the delightful news that they wanted to give rather largish donations to the old family cause in exchange for those lovely photos. What a world, old chap, what a world! Not to mention the cricket.
Dear Masons, fans and readers. Today we ask the stunning question: What do religious people know that we don’t? In other words, what does “the religious experience” consist of in reality?
Pastor Jerry Jing – spiritual leader, local politician, ghost afficionado
Oh, dearest subjects…! The transcendental religious experience is like nothing you have ever felt. One can literally feel the Holy Spirit coming inside one’s body and bringing one closer to the glorious Lord. I officiated a grand funeral recently, and there I had the opportunity to see who were the True Christian Believers, and who was just going through the motions. When an individual is caught up in the rapture of religious extasy, the light of God can be seen in their eyes. Their conviction becomes so intense that they would never turn from the Lord, even if he told them to do so. Also, please note that if you see a devotee of another congregation experiencing transcendence, they are surely faking it. It is only the members of my congregation – The Most Holy Pesticiderous Church of North-Northeast Doomtown – that are eligible to recieve this Godly service. Please report all apostates to my Holy Office.
Dear all sweet Masons of our collective and treasured truth! A lot has been said in these pages about Trumpnik. But let’s switch our approach for a bit. Here comes a question for you: How about that sweet old grandmotherly lady, who is possibly a corrupt shill for the suicidal capitalists and/or Rotschild bankers, clearly does not understand the mysteries of modern technology fully, and/or may just be a working politician trying to do her best? In short, would you consider voting for Hillary Clinton?
Charlene “Arlene” Davidson – Former child beauty pageant winner, chicken sandwich recipe website proprietor, self-proclaimed dispensor of down-to-earth country wisdom
Hell no! Don’t trust Crooked Hillary – she is Crooked! Don’t you stupid liberals understand that’s why she’s called Crooked Hillary? You wouldn’t call someone that if they weren’t crooked would you? Check mate liberal scum! Continue reading
Dearest Masons of Truth, spread across this great globe of ours! This time, in a joint effort between the Political Commentary on the Political Commentary Bureau and the Gastronomy Institute, we have asked three of your prominent members an important and topical question. Politics – what’s it all about? For example, the US presidential election… What is that stuff!!??! In essence: Do you believe that the business of politics and the actions of politicians influence your life?
Patsy Paulson – Christian Scientist, freelance missionary, and Healer
No. As a Healer in service to the Lord, I believe there are far more important things to think about than politics. It is shamefully vain of us lowly humans to believe that we are in control of our destinies. The only one who decides about destiny is our lord God, and of course no man can influence God. Continue reading
Would you vote for…
Jesus Josefson, carpenter, triple-schizophrenic, freelance saviour and magical wizard
…this candidate, mr. Donald Trump? I have been following his political career closely, for I am the light and the glory. I would point out some things, blessed readers, that I have found interesting in my sacredness. First off, mr. Trump wishes to erect a wall to keep out the people of Mexico and to restrict entry into his fine country from people of the most unblessed Muslim faith. Now, you might think that these things are needlessly stringent, but here I disagree, for the meek shall inherit the earth. Continue reading
Masons,
Fresh from the presses! Here comes a brand new poll straight from the gut of the Grand Lodge of Truth: The Brexit! The Brexit – British conservative free-market politicians’ desire for Britain to exit a project shaped and very much lead by conservative free-market politicians in a referendum mostly working-class people wanting less free-market and conservatism voted in. Hilarious! In a delightfully fact-free kind of way. Continue reading
In recent events, an unknown person leaked enormous amounts of documents – pertaining to primarily off-shore companies – to the German daily Süddeutsche Zeitung. The newspaper then partnered with the International Consortium of Investigative Journalists. The documents revealed, with a spectacularly high level of detail, the dodgy schemes of the criminals and tax-evaders. Continue reading
Dear reader,
many ask us masons all sorts of questions. As it should be. We do conduct research on a wide variety of issues, stretching from currency derivatives to genetically modified mice; from cricket fight gambling strategies to gerry mandering. As well as perhaps our most favorite subject: the life after this. There are many opinions on this topic and the truth lodge, being the biggest tent, is obviously the best place to go if you want to hash out the specifics about this. So, without further ado, what happens after you die? Continue reading
So how did the world start out? How did it all begin – can anyone know? No, you can’t, but you can have an idea. Exactly how the universe started is obviously really hard to know for certain. The most kosher theory out there is, of course, the Big Bang. According to which the universe started from a dense hot mess of particles tugging against each other and then exploding all over space. Spectacular theory. So this sexually loaded theory accounts for the fact that the universe expands and provides explanations for a broad range of phenomena like cosmic microwaves, Hubble’s law and John Travolta’s inexplicable belief in Scientology. Continue reading
a truth called nothing 