Int: Location unknown, the Committee Interrogation Chamber

A dark room with stone floor, a stone door in a stone wall, and a vast black nothingness ahead. DADDY and ANGÉL GABRIÉL are standing in what little light there is, looking out into nothing. ANGÉL is standing further back, by the door, fidgeting, clutching himself and looking extremely nervous. DADDY stands in front, cross-armed, with a steely expression full of disappointment and barely-suppressed indignation.

ANGÉL GABRIÉL

I don’t like this one bit, sir. I feel far from good.

 

DADDY

No shit sherbet. This isn’t something meant to be liked in any way. And keep your voice down, everything we do or say is being recorded. Our very minds are being analysed, so keep your wits about you.

 

ANGÉL GABRIÉL

I sure wish FRANK were here.

 

DADDY

There is nothing even FRANK could do for us in his current state. It’s you and I alone, boy.

 

Pause.

DADDY

Though I miss him too, of course.

 

Suddenly, the jarring and majestic sound of a gong. The ritual has begun. Each time that a voice speaks to DADDY or ANGÉL GABRIÉL, a corresponding and anisometric light from on high shines in the men’s faces. The lights are lit only for the time a specific voice is asking a question or listening to an answer, and they shut off or turn on with a sort of rasping clang. Each voice has a light of a different colour. (work the colours out later.)

STERN VOICE

Are you D’ADDARIO “DADDY” WILKINSON, the notorious club owner?

 

DADDY

I am.

 

STERN VOICE

And are you ANGÉL GABRIÉL, the young dandy?

 

ANGÉL GABRIÉL

Oh, yes…

 

GODLY VOICE

You two adults are called before the Committee at this time. You will respond to all questions like men and only with the truth. You are called to speak of the cataclysmic events the day before yesterday, which was a thursday. Have you been able to hear and comprehend the past statement?

 

DADDY and ANGÉL

Yes, inquisitors.

 

GODLY VOICE

Do you admit that Big Lord God is your king and owner?

 

DADDY and ANGÉL

Yes, inquisitors.

 

GODLY VOICE

Do you admit that Big Lord God created you from nothing without even thinking about it or getting winded?

 

DADDY and ANGÉL

Yes, inquisitors.

 

GODLY VOICE

Do you admit that you are as filth under the foot of Big Lord God? That he created you from the dirt under his nails and can unmake you with a whisper of his Big Voice?

 

DADDY and ANGÉL

Yes, inquisitors.

 

GODLY VOICE

Do you recognize this Committee’s right to speak with that Voice?

 

DADDY and ANGÉL

Yes, inquisitors.

 

GODLY VOICE

Upon this, the questioning can begin.

 

ANCIENT VOICE

Pleasantries, concluded. Boy, isn’t it always just such a relief when the pleasantries are over? A feeling of “let’s get cracking”, you dig?

 

STERN VOICE

I quite agree, Patrick.

 

GODLY VOICE

Silence, fool! You shall not profane this space with the frivolity of gladdening.

 

ANCIENT VOICE

Oh give it a rest you scrotum licker. Very well then, question one.

 

STERN VOICE

Did you conspire to remove the deathlist from its special freezer, without the knowledge of this Committee?

 

DADDY

Yes.

 

STERN VOICE

And did you undertake to make additions to and/or subtractions from said list, which requires the express written and heard consent from this Committee?

 

DADDY

I did. But with good reas-

 

GODLY VOICE

Silence, fool! You will not befoul this Christly chamber with apologies or explanations.

 

ANCIENT VOICE

Give it a rest with the “Christly”, Jerry. This is local government, not the bleedin’ Vatican.

 

STERN VOICE

That’s enough. And did you, young fellow, assist this man in said conspiracy?

 

ANGÉL GABRIÉL

I did, inquisitors, I surely did. I’m so sorry. I had just gotten married in wedding bliss the week I got involved, and my heart was all a-flutter. It was an honest man’s mistake.

 

GODLY VOICE

Let the record show that his statement just now was a lie. This man’s connection to the doings of the one who calls himself FRANK are well known.

 

ANCIENT VOICE

There is no point in lying, young man. Mercy is your last hope.

 

DADDY

I’m the one you really need to talk to. The lad knew only what he had to.

 

STERN VOICE

All right, do the next question.

 

METAFICTIONAL VOICE

Did you knowingly exceed the budget generously provided by this Committee, in order to produce a loud, clanging noise and a lot of overly flashy cosmic lightning stuff, resulting in plenty of overtime for the cleaning staff? Do you realize these things will have to be paid for?

 

DADDY

Can’t say I know or care, but I guess nothing’s impossible.

 

METAFICTIONAL VOICE

And did your activities and doings on the said day make very little logical sense or fail to conform to the usual visual, auditory and/or metaphysical realities of life in this town?

 

DADDY

Not for men like me – men of the open mind!

 

STERN VOICE

Curb your backtalk, person. Now, do you defend or condone the actions and intentions of the one they call FRANK?

 

DADDY

Til the day I die, baby.

 

GODLY VOICE

Did you enable FRANK’s plan by falsely distracting this Committee?

 

DADDY

Yes, I did.

 

GODLY VOICE

And did you aid in manipulating the woman SALINA “THE ROOSTER” RASKOVA into an arranged marriage, so that she would move out of the apartment provided for her by this Committee, whereby FRANK could gain access to the deathlist?

 

ANGÉL GABRIÉL leans in to whisper in DADDY’s ear.

ANGÉL GABRIÉL

They don’t know about the gloves…?

 

DADDY

Shut up!

 

STERN VOICE

What was that?

 

DADDY

Nothing. This young stud needs to use the bathroom.

 

ANCIENT VOICE

He can use the potty in the corner or wait until this meeting is over. I tell you now, if there is an undeclared arcane artifact at play here, you must reveal it to this Committee. Failing to do so constitutes high treason in this town and you are under the risk of death, even forcible removal from the area if it comes to blows!

 

ANGÉL GABRIÉL

(Gulp)

 

DADDY

There is nothing of that nature, you have my word. And if you were so worried about the deathlist, maybe you shouldn’t have stored it in the kitchen of some random apartment?

 

STERN VOICE

That was a fine, high quality apartment – very good selling price – with a luxury kitchen. It was a good hiding place for the deathlist. To continue, how were you and FRANK able to make additions to the deathlist? Neither of you are known to have access to the blood of cousinry.

 

DADDY

FRANK had built up a storage of false, bootleg blood over the years. That was what we used, and it is all gone now. Obviously, that means our experiment cannot be repeated again. We only hurt ourselves and our property. Surely this is enough to forget the whole sorry affair?

 

GODLY VOICE

Silence, fool! That is not for you to decide. Now, you alone cannot convince us that your blasphemous actions will not be repeated. Why have you kept FRANK hidden from our vision?

 

DADDY

FRANK is grievously hurt as a consequence of the catastrophe at the Club. He is under the care of someone you know well: DR. ADAMSON.

 

STERN VOICE

Oh, DR. ADAMSON!

 

GODLY VOICE

Our friend, DR. ADAMSON.

 

ANCIENT VOICE

DR. ADAMSON of the wonderful Gastronomy Institute!

 

METAFICTIONAL VOICE

Very well, we trust DR. ADAMSON completely. He is a trustworthy medical man.

 

ANGÉL GABRIÉL

Buh-buh-buh-buh (gulp) oh jeepers creepers, sir!

 

STERN VOICE

Well then, we are mostly satisfied as long as you can answer one last question: What was the purpose of your actions on the said day?

 

DADDY

…

 

GODLY VOICE

Well then? Speak up, puny man.

 

DADDY

Well. This is awkward, I can’t quite…

 

METAFICTIONAL VOICE

After all that we’ve talked about, you can’t possibly deny us this crucial piece of information. It would make absolutely no sense for you not to tell us about this plan which has been so central to recent affairs in this town. Why would we not know your purpose by now?? This is the cog that this whole business is hinging on. It simply stretches credulity to imagine that we would let you off without telling us at this point, in this context! Surely you wouldn’t make a silly excuse this time as well!

 

DADDY

Well…

 

ANGÉL GABRIÉL

We were trying to… Design fireworks!

 

DADDY

We were trying to design fireworks.

 

METAFICTIONAL VOICE

Very well. As you were, then.

 

STERN VOICE

All right, we’ll adjourn the meeting then. But know you this: Our cameras and observers are on you twenty four seven from now on. One toe out of line, and you’re out of town for good. We’re going to keep your finances under surveillance, and we will also keep close tabs on FRANK.

 

DADDY

That is your prerogative. I have nothing to hide and neither does FRANK. We welcome your investigations.

 

GODLY VOICE

At this time the meeting is concluded. You are required to bow and then exit this chamber at once.

 

DADDY and ANGÉL GABRIÉL bow deeply and exit.

Int: Government centre, antechamber

ANGÉL GABRIÉL

Oh gosh, sir, that was terrifying! I thought we would get punished for sure.

 

DADDY

It was touch and go for a while. You did good, under the circumstances.

 

ANGÉL GABRIÉL

I’m just glad it’s over. It’s quite a relief, actually! I’m looking forward to just living a normal life, maintaining my wife and baybee, and running the Club with you. No more project, no more hiding and sneaking around, no more intrigue. Phew!

 

DADDY

Don’t be absurd. Have you taken stupid pills? Come on, now, we’re meeting up with FRANK at the Institute. We have to get our new orders about how to begin the next phase of the project, get back on track, and bring our leader’s ideas into sterling reality!

 

ANGÉL GABRIÉL

Wait what the Jesus hell!!!??

 

(CONT)