My fellow Americans,

you can’t vote Trumpy if you haven’t read every item on the list and sent back an acceptable to excuse to Uncle Sawyer!

1. He lies about absolutely everything. From his physique to international politics
2. He is vengeful like never before
3. He thinks America’s arch-enemy Vladimir Putin is the role model for leadership
4. Doesn’t understand the awesome power of nuclear weapons
5. Doesn’t understand why a nuclear non-proliferation treaty is absolutely essential
6. Encouraged supporters to assassinate his opponent
7. Doesn’t believe in the biggest challenge facing human kind: Climate change
8. Actively encourages conspiracy theories about “rigged elections” undermining the foundation of democracy
9. Doesn’t understand the difference between an unemployment rate of 5% and 42%
10. Doesn’t understand international trade or what VAT/Sales tax is
11. Is accused by no less than 17 woman of sexual assault
12. Bragged about actually performing said sexual assault (on the bus you know, with Billy Bush)
13. Said it couldn’t be true because one accuser was too ugly
14. Wants to punish women who carry out an abortion
15. Ran a Ponzi scheme called Trump University
16. He never released his tax returns
17. He lost $ 1bn in one year
18. He shipped over losses on ordinary investors (essentially bailed out by stock-market investors, often smaller investors)
19. Actively encourages violence at rallies
20. Refuses to pay contractors and employees
21. Choked while meeting the Mexican president
22. Had a cute little bobby pin in his hair while appearing together with the Mexican president
23. Engaged in a week-long twitter feud with a beauty queen
24. Debated dick-size on a national debate
25. Bought paintings of himself for foundation money provided by others
26. Bailed out his hotels with foundation money
27. Claimed he donated millions to veterans. Turned out he didn’t
28. Compared building hotels with the ultimate sacrifice of losing a child in war
29. Has bankrupted at least four business. Whereof most are casinos. The only industry where people give you money for nothing
30. He has never disclosed his actual worth
31. He called Americans of Latin heritage rapists and drug dealers
32. Singles out African-Americans as “the” and “they” implying it’s an inferior homogenous group
33. He prefers “jews” to count his money
34. Re-tweeted several messages from hard rightwing groups including KKK, David Duke and none else than Mussolini
35. He had a copy of Adolf Hitler’s speeches on his night stand
36. Doesn’t know the orangutan race and human race can’t produce offspring
37. Went in unannounced to the dressing room of beauty pageant contestants (some underage) to sneak a peek, pervert style
38. Said about a ten year old girl he wanted to “date” her in 8 years
39. Said about his daughter he wanted to date her if she wasn’t his daughter
40. Was pro the Iraq war
41. Discriminated against Black residents in housing projects
42. Undisclosed mafia ties
43. Started all business with heavy support from father. If money had been put in Index fund, Trumpy would be richer = Bad businessman
44. Tenant intimidation
45. Employing undocumented Polish workers
46. Former wife Ivana Trump accused him of rape
47. Breaking several casino rules including racial discrimination, mafia ties and several different anti-trust violations
48. Used campaign donor money to buy up his own books
49. Bribed a Florida attorney general via his foundation
50. Foundation closed for new deposits pending investigation from New York Attorney General
51. Broke the Cuban embargo
52. Attacked John McCain for not being a war hero
53. Showed a picture of Hillary Clinton with the star of David implying she was bought off by a Jewish conspiracy
54. Claims no one knows the Bible better than him. Then fails to mention even one passage
55. Said Carly Fiorina had an ugly face
56. Megyn Kelly only attacked him because she had her period
57. Described Mika Brzezinski as crazy and very dumb
58. Heidi Cruz is ugly
59. Hillary Clinton “looks” “non-presidential”
60. Mocked a reporter for being handicapped
61. Claims Ted Cruz’ father is somehow involved in the assassination of JFK
62. Claim thousands of Muslims were cheering in New Jersey when the Twin Towers went down
63. Lied about donating his profits from the Apprentice
64. Lied about charitable donations from the Celebrity Apprentice
65. Lied about charitable donation from Trump the Game to St Judes Cancer Hospital
66. Continuously lies about IRS as the reason he can’t produce his taxes
67. Lied about sending his personal jet to ferry stranded service men
68. Continuously lies about his business dealings with Russia
69. Didn’t know Russia had invaded Ukraine
70. Lied about offering child care to his employees (turned out that it was his guests)
71. Actively promoting war crimes (killing families of suspected terrorists) and torture
72. He congratulated himself on the Florida nightclub massacre
73. Encouraged Russia to hack Hillary Clinton’s emails
74. Proposed banning all Muslims from entering the US
75. Praised Saddam Hussein
76. Praised Kim Jong-un
77. Encouraged voter suppression through spreading of conspiracy theories about minorities and voter fraud. (So far one case voter fraud has been unraveled. It was a Trump supporter)
78. Wants to repeal the Affordable Care Act and replace it with something “terrific”
79. Has proposed an Economic Plan which will create a $5 trillion deficit despite claiming he is “fiscally responsible”
80. Has proposed an Economic Plan which would lower taxes for the absolutely most wealthy and increase it for the working man
81. He understands the prejudice against African-Americans because the election is also rigged against him (when are white millionaire heirs be on top in this country??)
82. Says everything is rigged against him if he doesn’t win, if does win everything was OK. Even if it’s the exact same poll or award. It’s always our skills when he win. It’s always cheating when he lose
83. Claimed any candidate using a teleprompter is disqualified. Then he starts using a teleprompter
84. Doesn’t understand what the nuclear triad is
85. Erased all his own e-mails including those sought in court
86. Failed to inform his audience that the W Bush Administration erased far more e-mails than Hillary Clinton
87. Allied himself with people suggesting HRC should be executed by firing squad
88. Allied himself with campaign advisor who suggested waterboarding
89. Has his son in prominent position, a son who follows white supremacist twitter accounts
90. Allies himself with at least seven campaign staffers who have spread racist and/or violent messages on social media
91. Allied himself with an Illinois delegate who is a white supremacist
92. Allied himself with a California delegate who is a white nationalist
93. His former butler said Obama should be hung for treason
94. His former campaign chair Paul Manafort received $ 12m corrupt pro-Russia Ukrainian leader Viktor Yanukovych

I will try and update this. But, man, this is really onerous work.

Sources: http://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2016/10/donald-trump-scandals/474726/, http://www.nytimes.com/2005/10/23/business/yourmoney/whats-he-really-worth.html, http://www.gq.com/story/176-reasons-donald-trump-shouldnt-be-president-olbermann