Episode 1

Int: The Intensifying Heart Club, at a table in the VIP section

DADDY, ANGÉL GABRIÉL and SALINA are seated at the table, eating luxurious jumbo shrimps and lobsters.

DADDY

Well, then. Shall we just wait for FRANK before we order dessert?

 

SALINA

Sir… I’ve been wanting to say something for a while. Why… Why aren’t we trying to reaquire our pristine baybee? Isn’t that important at all to FRANK? I don’t know why I should have to lend him my body all the time. I know we messed up, but that isn’t the baybee’s fault. I kind of miss it…

 

ANGÉL

Sweet heart, what did we say about questioning FRANK?

DADDY

I’m sorry, SALINA, but your services will be needed for a while longer, at least until we can make contact with HENRY on the other side. FRANK is keen to establish a working connection to that world as soon as possible. We need a plant inside the Crystal Palace, but FRANK isn’t able to fully cross the boundaries between worlds yet. The mystic world works in mysterious ways. Not to mention the mysterious world, which works in mystic ways.

 

ANGÉL

I really miss the days when we knew what we were doing. Deal with MARCIA, placate the Committee without giving up too much, the usual weekly conflicts with THE MAYOR. Nowadays everything is so weird.

 

Suddenly, three ghost trees materialise in the middle of the dining area, toppling an empty table.

ANGÉL

See what I mean?

 

DADDY

(Sighs)

Cleaners! We’ve got a G3 at table nine! Anyway, yes, things are a bit strange recently. But FRANK promises he can work this out and we have to trust him. Speaking of, I think it’s just about time. Ready, SALINA?

 

SALINA

As ready as I’m likely to be, I guess…

 

SALINA relaxes in her chair. A few moments pass, and then… DADDY suddenly convulses, eyes closing involuntarily. The others react in barefaced surprise as DADDY opens his eyes again.

FRADDY

All right, let’s try to get this done quickly. How are you crazy kids?

 

ANGÉL

Ah… Ah… S-sir? Did something go wrong?

 

FRADDY

Oh not at all! I’ve been borrowing DADDY occasionally when he is alone and he doesn’t notice. Mostly when I get a craving for food, as his surpreme appetite embellishes all culinary experiences. But this time, I need to talk to you two. I need you to do me a favour.

 

ANGÉL

Anything, sir, of course…!

 

FRADDY

Here’s the deal. Next time the Shadow Order comes up in conversation, I need you to plant the idea that PROFESSOR SPECTRE is exploiting them and is not to be trusted. Make sure this info gets to PAULETTE especially, she’ll know what to do. And DADDY can’t know that we talked about this, for personal reasons of mine, so when he comes around, you have to pretend to be me for a bit, SALINA. Just say some inscrutable things and it’ll be fine. All good to go? I need to be off, I’m trying to keep an eye on things in the Green Sub-Cosmic Zone.

 

SALINA

Wait, wait, wait!!! Sir! Secret info is one thing, but pretending to be you? He’ll catch on at once!

 

FRADDY

Nah, should be fine, you don’t have to make a big show of it. I warned him in our last talk that I’m scheduled to experience some mystic headaches right now, so he expects me to be a bit off. Nothing happens that hasn’t already been taken into account. Anyway, good to see you kids, especially you, SAL. I like that hairstyle on you. Gotta be off now, good luck and ta-ta!

 

FRANK’s spirit departs and DADDY jolts awake.

DADDY

Damn, must have fallen asleep for a minute there. Where are we, is FRANK here yet?

 

SALINA looks around in a mild panic. ANGÉL shoots her an urgent look.

SALINA

Uh…. Greetings. FRALINA here. I just came from the Cosmic Zone and there was so much traffic. Uh, bless this Club and stuff. Mystic things happening all over the place.

 

DADDY

…Is everything all right, sir?

 

ANGÉL

FRANK just explained to us when you were sleeping that he has a metaphysical cold or something. Now, what are our orders, Leader?

 

SALINA

Yeah, orders. Well… There are many plans going on right now. Uh, there are paranormal troubles on the way. Modern Love is our priority.

 

DADDY

Of course, sir. I think we are well informed on those topics. But what about new developments?

 

SALINA flounders a bit more, and then has an idea. She hesitates, but decides to risk it.

SALINA

Yeah. Today in my mystic wisdom I ask you to give the GABRIÉL family a big raise and to ask DR. ADAMSON to set aside some time to help them find the precious baybee. It will be needed for our plans next week.

 

DADDY

Wait what the Jesus Hell!!?

 

---

Excerpt from “Intensifying Hearts & Dreams”, season 18, episode 4

Ext: Ghost Tree Forest, outskirts of Doomtown

DUKE and a SLAVE on a chain are botanising outside, looking for clues and smoking guns.

DUKE

Have the meditations created enough trees in this area?

 

SLAVE

(Sighs)

Yes, DUKE, I’m sure it’s fine. It was fine a week ago, and the forest has almost doubled in size since then.

 

DUKE

One can’t be careful enough. It’s important to box them in physically, so that they might try to find other doorways. Mystic ones which we can claim and entrap whatsoever we want. As long as they try to come through, the colourful souls, we can invite them to the world of compromise. The great painting of life.

 

SLAVE

If you say so. Do we need to worry about animal souls?

 

DUKE

No, animals we can let go. Their instinctiveness can even empower us. Let’s head to the next area, quadrant west-6.

 

SLAVE

Again, we haven’t established a system of quadrants, we’re mostly just walking in circles.

 

DUKE

My reply to that is, it’s important for me to learn how to let go of thoughts quickly so they don’t fester. By the way, birds are especially good and healthy for our mystic circle, as they have a special aural intelligence. Now, then…

 

The SLAVE sighs and shakes his head as DUKE obviously picks out a completely random direction. They walk off among the ghostly branches.

---

Excerpt from “Intensifying Hearts & Dreams”, season 18, episode 9

Ext: Beer garden at Grand Magic Führer’s Munch House

PAULETTE and MAR-01 CRIBORG are sitting at a table. It is dusk, a marvelous summer evening, and the girls are enjoying ice cold beer. PAULETTE is wearing her MYSTERY MASK outfit to remain anonymous. They both speak in hushed tones, hiding in plain sight.

PAULETTE

I’m sorry, MAR. I wish I didn’t have to ruin the mood by breaking this news.

 

MAR-01 CRIBORG

It’s all right. Losing my biological feelings has many upsides. I think I already knew… PJALTUR was destined to die in any timeline, just in different circumstances. How did you find out?

 

PAULETTE

Gruesome as it is, I’m afraid I delivered his severed head to the Gastronomers in the other world. It was THE MAYOR’s payment for the new chefs.

 

MAR-01 CRIBORG

Oh man. It’s almost comical, how that knowledge would have destroyed my former self. Why on earth would my childhood sweetheart’s head be acceptable payment to those people?

 

PAULETTE

Not sure yet, but I think it has something to do with events in some other timeline or version of reality. THE MAYOR has implied that some types of potentiality can be retained across realities in the form of magic if you have a vessel with the appropriate metaphorical weight.

 

MAR-01 CRIBORG

I always thought when FRANK finally died, this town would be free of the taint of magic for good. And something new could grow here, something philantropic and beautiful.

 

PAULETTE

Yes, well.

 

PAULETTE feels uncomfortable under her mask, and this is picked up by MAR-01 CRIBORG’s powerful digital senses.

MAR-01 CRIBORG

What is it? Don’t tell me you think FRANK survived somehow?

 

PAULETTE

…No, not really. I was one of his pallbearers after all, and I made sure to confirm that the body was really his. He is definitely dead and buried. But there are some things going on right now that would be a fuckton easier to explain if FRANK still had influence here somehow…

 

MAR-01 CRIBORG

Man… That would really put things in a new light, huh.

 

PAULETTE

Yeah. I dunno. Anyway… I’m gonna leave a spare MYSTERY MASK outfit in the trashcan on the west side of the Club in a few days. I’ve modified it to accomodate your new body, don’t worry. If you wear it, and take a look at the folder you’ll find in the back pocket, you should be able to get close enough and then destroy him. He trusts me and the other MASKS completely, it would never occur to him that he could be betrayed in this way. You just need to act natural and not linger too long in any one place or conversation… Close up, it would be obvious that your nametag will be incorrect. But most of us don’t pay too much attention to the nametags unless something seems to be off. Should be fine.

 

MAR-01 CRIBORG

Schtum!

 

VOICE

Excuse me, pardner.

 

MYSTERY MASK NO. 28B has walked over to the table.

PAULETTE

Oh hey! Didn’t know you were already back. What’s up?

 

MYSTERY MASK NO. 28B

Good to see you, counterpart. And never would it be my place to question who you’re dining with. Now, maybe I’ve waited too long… But I have some shocking info for you.

 

Hold camera on the girls for a long time as they look at each other quizzically, look over to MYSTERY MASK NO. 28B quizzically, back to each other quizzically, and so on and so on until we go to commercial break.

---

Excerpt from “Intensifying Hearts & Dreams”, season 18, episode 31

Int: Doomtown Luxury Towers, peacock daycare centre

MADAME MORGANNA is picking her eight peacocks up at the end of the day. Keeping her company is MONICA.

MADAME MORGANNA

There we are, little dears, it seems everyone is here. Shall we, MONICA?

 

MONICA

Yes, MADAME. I just wish there was a purpose for me somewhere in this town. Now even MARCIA has something important to do. It’s like I am being left behind.

 

MADAME MORGANNA

Oh don’t be so dramatic, sweet girl. Your time will come. Now, are you wearing the headband under that fancy hat?

 

MONICA

Yes, I’m wearing it at all times, just like you said.

 

MADAME MORGANNA

Very good. Let’s go to Pigeon Park, my little dears need to relieve their bowels fortwith.

 

Ext: Pigeon Park

The peacocks enjoy themselves running around with other birds. But one of the peacocks stays in front of MORGANNA and MONICA.

MADAME MORGANNA

Did you want to listen in on our delightful banter, little one?

 

Suddenly the bird loses its balance and flops around on the ground, convulsing.

MONICA

Epilepsy attack!!!?

 

MADAME MORGANNA

(Sighs)

No, I think not, darling. I was concerned this might happen…

 

The peacock gets to its feet, eyes now glowing.

FREANCOCK

Peep, chirp… chip chip!

 

The peacock twitches in frustration – this isn’t working.

MADAME MORGANNA

I thought better of you, dear FRANK. Do you find yourself getting desperate? As opposed to crows and parrots, peacocks can’t form human words. One of the many things I so adore about them. Possession is useless!

 

MONICA

Well, we could always go down the whole “one cheep for yes, two for no” route. But then we would be asking the questions, and I don’t think that’s your aim.

 

FREANCOCK

Twitter, tweet tweet, chiirp!!!

 

MADAME MORGANNA

This is what happens when you base all your doings on secrecy. If the secret gets out, you have nothing much to fall back on! And you didn’t expect PAULETTE to inform me at all, did you?

 

MONICA

Still think she’s your “true ally”?

 

FREANCOCK nods.

MADAME MORGANNA

Most bizarre. In any case, we are all ever so hurt that you made us throw that grande funeral and weep real tears over you. Despicable, really. It even made dear MONICA lose her faith in you. And now that your continued existence is an open secret among us Doomtown Honchos, the Crystal Palace has seen an odd rise in the sales of these possession-proof headbands.

 

She lifts her fancy hat to reveal the luminous, green-grey headband. FREANCOCK shakes its head and paces around nervously in a way that seems to say, “You don’t understand! You need to listen to me…”

MADAME MORGANNA

And dear MONICA, as a fashionably savvy trendsetter, will be hard at work ensuring that the headband will be the new craze! Hence, darling, you will be limited to possessing those in your inner circle – a sure impediment to your plans!

 

FREANCOCK puts its head in its wings, and stomps its feet.

MONICA

(To herself)

I see… So this is to be my mission…

 

MADAME MORGANNA

Now take your leave of us, you wretched man. And trouble us no further, if you would be so kind. And I tell you this for the last time, darling… Abandon your long-held, metaphysical plans. You won’t triumph over us, the socialite resistance of Doomtown, and you know deep in your heart that you truly don’t have the right to do it, in any case. This is about more than your personal supernatural desires.

 

FREANCOCK looks at them coldly, and then slumps to the ground again. The peacock gets to its feet at once, realising that it has no chance of coming to terms with what it just experienced, and resolving to simply go on with its day as if nothing happened.

MADAME MORGANNA

Very good; we have him on the ropes. Come now, dear, it is time we went to the old Salon and recieved the most divine makeovers. Off we saunter; fall in step, sweet birdies!

---

Excerpt from “Intensifying Hearts & Dreams”, season 18, episode 42

Int: The Gastronomy Institute, seclusion chamber – midnight

The room where FRANK once recieved Gastronomical healing at the highest level is completely empty. Not a soul nearby. We simply rest our camera gaze on the abandoned furniture and apparati for a while, playing a subdued version of FRANK‘s theme.

FYLOSO

Ah, memories. This room still smells faintly of the complicated procedures which DR. ADAMSON applied to him. He trusts his doctor completely, and that is one of the ways he and I differ.

 

The empty room accepts the camera’s gaze passively. Memories beget other memories, and the dust settled on the desktop computers betrays the bittersweet emotions held therein.

FYLOSO

I’ll just take a look at the seclusion pod. Hm, it isn’t even locked. Mayhaps some of his essence remains within? It shall be up to FYLOSO D’FAYOSO now, to reclaim the thoughts that have fled.

 

Were anyone to set foot in this room, they would be overwhelmed by the pungent implications of dark, Gastronomical science and the wounds left behind in the air by fatally maimed emotions.

FYLOSO

By jove, the pod has been completely scoured of his influence. Why? Wouldn’t the DOCTOR have wanted to keep his essence near? Or were the treatments truly so unsuccessful?

 

Since no one is in the room, it is questionable that the scene should go on for much longer.

FYLOSO

No! Wait! Let me stay and think on it a while more. Heed the words of FYLOSO D’FAYOSO!!!

 

Yeah, this scene shouldn’t be more than a couple of seconds long. Just a bittersweet glimpse of an empty room. Just long enough to ensure we’re filed in the “outsider art” section at the DVD shoppe.

---

Excerpt from “Intensifying Hearts & Dreams”, season 18 and “Modern Love”, season 996 – Special Crossover Episode

Int: The ruins of the Crystal Palace, mid-day

The Fifth Magic War is over. The armies are scattered, many heroes have fallen on both sides, and those remaining have subconsciously gathered for a spontaneous memorial ceremony/debriefing. HENRY, PENELOPE, LEO, and ANGÉL GABRIÉL are in attendance, in addition to many unknown combatants. The sun casts warm rays full of redemption upon the rubble.

HENRY

Now we know the cost of Magic War. Now we know the utility of our ideals, why certain cumbersome rules regarding the use of magic and access to the Shadow Order should – nay, need – to remain in place. I want you all to raise your glasses to mr. GABRIÉL and his cohorts tonight. These brave people came here from another world, not for personal gain, but to warn us of PROFESSOR SPECTRE’s duplicitous conspiracy.

 

There is some small applause.

ANGÉL GABRIÉL

Thank you, but if there is anyone you should thank, it would be FRANK.

 

HENRY

The one known as FRANK, risen from his grave as a mystic ghost, has already made contact with the emergency leadership here. LEO?

 

LEO

The Mystic Interloper, FRANK, has been declared a hero by the Shadow Order. He has made the request that we disable all exported Magical Headgear and we will make a decision as to that shortly.

 

HENRY

The one known as FRANK will be a celebrity here for the rest of his unnatural life, but it is still to be determined whether we can remotely disable equipment that has passed through the barriers of sense and compromise. Now, I should inform you all of the events of the final showdown, just so you can all help squash rumours that may already run rampant. My brother JEAN-PIERRE is dealing with the immediate aftermath, and we have a reasonably clear picture of what happened.

 

PENELOPE hangs her head in sadness.

LEO

Beloved co-dwellers… As the vanguard approached the PROFESSOR and his co-opted Science Monk defectors, a spiritual cataclysm on a semi-global level was expected. Our front general, MARVIN MASON of the Double Yakuza, led the battle himself, armed with his enchanted skeletal staff. Not in the sense of personnel, you see, but a magic cane that could disintegrate you or me. To inversely quote a recent pop hit in this country.

 

ANGÉL GABRIÉL

(To himself)

And every time they sing FRANK’s song, the resulting royalty payment across worlds pries the portal open a little bit more. No wonder FRANK wanted to do this operation without telling DADDY… He has never respected FRANK as a singer and/or songwriter.

 

HENRY

Sadly, MARVIN himself was a casualty of the last great magic duel. He died as he was born – a destined Yakuza hero living the life of a prophesised salvator. Would you like to say a few words, PENNY? You two were close, after all.

 

PENELOPE

I don’t have too much to add. MARV and I had drifted apart, and I feel as though I am finished with men for good. But the very implacable strength that drove us apart was surely what enabled him to triumph over the evil PROFESSOR SPECTRE. In hindsight, I admire MARV greatly, even if we weren’t right for each other. Now we must rebuild society. We can no longer rely on Gastronomy on its own to keep the peace. We must establish philosophical failsafes to ensure this wretched history never repeats itself.

 

HENRY

Fully agreed. Now, PROFESSOR SPECTRE has been put in a Gastronomical coma, and will remain that way until we can figure out how to punish him appropriately. JP and I have made preparations to establish a council of Wisemen to rule over men’s dreams with a more rational, firmer hand. I suspect the first obstacle to galvanise us will be to finally deal with our dangerous parents, the excentric social scientists. But with proper stewardship, I truly believe we can leave these dark times behind us. And the tool will be this council of Wisemen… This Committee, if you will.

 

ANGÉL GABRIÉL

… … …Oh dear.

 

The meeting comes to a close, all assembled turn toward the camera and bow, and comical trumpet music plays.

---

Excerpt from “Intensifying Hearts & Dreams”, season 18, episode 79

Int: The Gastronomy Institute, Dr. Adamson’s office

DR. ADAMSON and POLLYANNA are sitting opposite each other on a Gastronomical divan.

POLLYANNA

Go on, then. I’ve been looking forward to getting to sample your famous Gastronomical Arts!

 

DR. ADAMSON

Very well. But be prepared, these treatments can demand quite a lot from an unused psyche. But the preparations are complete, so whenever you’re ready, please lean back and relax.

 

POLLYANNA

All right.

 

DR. ADAMSON

Just listen to the sound of my voice, slow breaths. Now, preen the thoughts, slake the body, and send it against itself. Can you feel it, babe?

 

POLLYANNA

It’s… Different.

 

DR. ADAMSON

Hold onto the feeling. The procedure is about to begin.

 

POLLYANNA

Will you warn me before Gastronomy starts to happen? I’m ever so slightly nervous, as much as I trust you.

 

DR. ADAMSON

It’s not so much a matter of something starting to happen. The science of Gastronomy is life itself. It swirls all around us, ever present. What we do here at the Institute is on a much more subtle level. The very act of observation changes that which is being observed, yes?

 

POLLYANNA

Sure.

 

DR. ADAMSON

But is there only one angle to observe from? Isn’t biological life capable of so much more? Feel the multitude detached perspectives, all that potentiality, touching the Gastronomy around you, altering its false stops and starts, its abandoned spaces. Feel the caress.

 

POLLYANNA

I suppose this is how you charm all your patients, hey? So what about the machines?

 

DR. ADAMSON

It is sometimes necessary to pierce patients in their brain stem. But the machines themselves are actually a form of theatre. We usually just feed TV programmes into them by instant download. And no, I wouldn’t tell common patients things like this, most people need that veneer of theatrics for the treatment to work. But you are so intelligent, I feel like you can understand on a deeper level. You feel it, don’t you?

 

POLLYANNA

I don’t know if I… Wait. What is… Is that made of bone…? I think I understand… The way it connects together… Shivering and pulsating… In a net melting from the outside parts. This is-

 

Suddenly, she doubles over on the divan, and when she opens her eyes – surprise, surprise:

FRALLYANNA

Once again we have less time than would be ideal. ANGÉL is about to burst sillily into the room. He has gone off on his own to have a showdown with NICKY. We need to deal with this quickly. Now, grab your spanner and-

 

DR. ADAMSON

Wait, wait, wait! Time out!!! Sir, this is unheard of. You… You can’t just interrupt like this whenever you feel like it!

 

FRALLYANNA

What? Huh? Huh? …You’ve never questioned me before.

 

DR. ADAMSON

I won’t have you possessing POLLY. Absolutely not. I’ll deal with NICKY, but this arrangement can’t go on. Is there no way for you to claim a permanent body?

 

FRALLYANNA

I could probably find some discarded husk, sure. But why would I dispense with the possibility of using various intelligences and intuitions that I would normally not have access to? You know the plan – eventually, I am to be elected as Doomtown’s new mayor. But before then, our preparations require this phantasmic ability of mine. Now, get to work.

 

DR. ADAMSON

No. I’m putting my foot down and keeping it there. Promise me that you will not possess me or POLLY… Or I shall cease helping you.

 

FRALLYANNA

What!!! How am I to interpret this shocking change of loyalties? You no longer care for the project, our ideals, and/or me?

 

DR. ADAMSON

My feelings about all of that have not changed at all. It is my feelings about POLLY forcing my rash desicion. I just cannot have you barging into our minds at the drop of a hat. I feel it is as inappropriate as it is embarrassing, considering this and that.

 

FRALLYANNA

Oh, I feel a rare epiphany from the mortal world coming on. Am I being given to understand that you and this woman have become involved?

 

DR. ADAMSON

Indeed. I know you have a hard time focusing on the mortal world, but really… In the old days, you would have picked up on this weeks ago.

 

FRALLYANNA

The old days are gone, my friend. But I do apologise, I realise now that I’ve been neglectful of my trusted associates. The project may be all-important, but what is any of it worth but for love? Let us make a deal. I will refrain from making vessels of you and your paramour, but for this last time. Come, let us deal with ANGÉL’s little situation, and then I’ll trouble you no more with phantasmic company.

 

DR. ADAMSON

All right. That is fair. And afterwards, can we talk about POLLY’s proper introduction into the inner circle?

 

FRALLYANNA

I suppose. I am slightly hesitant to include her before the audit is over and done with… I still need the Gastronomy Institute to remain in business as long as possible. But maybe we can kill two fishes with one fell swoop…

 

DR. ADAMSON

I am open to your always esteemed advice and expertise. Certainly it would be good to have that rigmarole over and done with. After you, then…

 

DR. ADAMSON and his leader/lover exit to the lobby to intercept ANGÉL.

---

Excerpt from “Intensifying Hearts & Dreams”, season 18, episode 100

Int: Grand Magic Führer’s Munch House, command central

THE MAYOR is winding down with a stiff drink after a long day of semi-productive supernatural scheming.

THE MAYOR

Gads almighty. Never did I know that the world of interdimensional intrigue could render a stalwart cowboy all tuckered out.

 

He slumps in his chair, putting his feet up on the desk, cradling his glass.

THE MAYOR

Ah, bless our surreal critters. Never have I known such intuitive mixology.

 

VOICE (off camera)

Fully agreed, MAYOR, but you’ll come to regret having dulled your senses at this time.

 

A MYSTERY MASK steps out of the safety cupboard.

THE MAYOR

Hey!!! What in the straight-shootin’ Hell gives, pardner? Surely you ain’t forgotten about the new title I awarded my sweet self? You will address me as GRAND MAGIC FÜHRER, you fool!

 

MYSTERY MASK NO. ??

You are not grand. Your magic is weaker than you think compared to my science. And you are a führer of nothing but your own confused desires. Do you realise who you are talking to?

 

THE MAYOR

Hey, what’ve y’all done to y’all’s nametag? Fall in step, pardner!

 

The person laughs, and dramatically rips off the hat and mask, revealing…

MAR-01 CRIBORG

Your day of reckoning is at hand, enemy. You have nothing to gain from trying to combat a CRIMINAL CYBORG. Give it up and save us some time!

 

THE MAYOR

So the very one I hired to kill me, in a clever plot to further my charisma, is actually MARCIA? To think, one such as you would run the bastardly PASTOR JING’s errands, bambina…

 

MAR-01 CRIBORG

(Laughs)

I am working for myself and my friends, and no one else, you fool. So… Will you come quietly?

 

THE MAYOR

Hogwash, bambina. I hired you to kill me, while spreading the rumour that I had kidnapped PJALTUR, and y’all walked straight into the trap. But there be one thing you don’t know, which in fact mine own lover doesn’t even know. There ain’t two DELUXE JEWELS… There are three.

 

With this statement, THE MAYOR lets loose DELUXE JEWEL RED and DELUXE JEWEL BLUE! He is empowered by these mystical objects. He aquires a magical aura, his eyes flash, he levitates impressively a few feet off the ground, facing MAR-01 CRIBORG with the cadence of a video game endboss. The shimmering JEWELS orbit around him protectively. But MAR-01 CRIBORG only chuckles derisively.

MAR-01 CRIBORG

What an adorable display of parlour tricks! But did you really think my associate and I wish to kill you? Again, I am no servant of JING. It is only necessary to make him think I have killed you. And I once cared for the dandy, PJALTUR, but no more. Do you know who I’ve been working with?

 

THE MAYOR

If’n I knew, it don’t’s matters in just a tiny moment, sweet lady. Get y’all ready to feel the pain of mayoral magic!!!

 

MAR-01 CRIBORG

I guess you aren’t interested in the fact that I have been collaborating with sweet PAULETTE, who has been working against you all along. But how do you suppose I got hold of these clothes, then?

 

THE MAYOR

(Caught in the web of chagrin)

I-impossible! She has been sharing everything with me… Her bed, her heavenly body, even her hidden past…

 

MAR 01-CRIBORG

Lies all, on the orders of FRANK. He got PAULETTE to keep tabs on you a long time ago, and she has been double playing everyone something fierce. Even when she thought FRANK was dead, she kept following his ideals, working in the shadows. And she finally found the smoking gun, in the gutters of this confusing multiverse we inhabit. If we kill you, the DELUXE JEWELS would lose their power. So you shall be cast out of this world altogether. Get yourself ready!!

 

She holds aloft the nondescript document, given to her by PAULETTE.

THE MAYOR

This can’t be real…!

 

MAR-01 CRIBORG

(Dramatically)

I, MARCIA WILKINSON, knowing that my actions are metafictional and irreversable, hereby brandish your true name, JORP STURDGETOWN, to expel you to the Brown Sub-Cosmic Zone!!!

 

THE MAYOR

Noooooo!!!

 

The joke is that “Jorp” is a funny word that you can’t really be named.

MAR-01 CRIBORG

Did it work…?

 

A short pause, then THE MAYOR is sucked off of this plane, this page, this story… For good. The Brown Sub-Cosmic Zone, filthy trash heap of the Indigoverse, passively accepts its new inhabitant. The DELUXE JEWELS fly into the victor’s hand, their allegiance changed. And MAR-01 CRI… No, MARCIA finally lets out the nervous breath she has kept nestled in her online digital lungs.

MARCIA

Is it finally over…? The JEWELS are ours… The playing field has been cleared fully… Now it is time for FRANK to come back into the open, as Doomtown’s new MAYOR. This whole rigmarole… Was only… Just…

…

..

.

The beginning.

(END OF THE FIRST ACT)

(CONT)