Excerpt from “Intensifying Hearts & Dreams” – season 17, episode 35


Int: The Mayor’s Munch House, command central

THE MAYOR is sitting at a desk, speaking on the phone with an unheard, unknown individual. PAULETTE is sitting to his left, at a makeup table in the corner of the room. Her face is turned away from the camera. Her eyepatch is off and we can vaguely see a strange green glow in the mirror, coming from the right side of her face. To THE MAYOR’s right, there is a scrying pool of greenish, magical water.


Right, well, I is gonna have ta thank yez once again, pardner! This was a really great idea. The auditing of the Gastronomy Institute is the perfect opportunity to step up one’s ambitions – with that slippery cactus ADAMSON busy, the Intensifying Heart Club is in an unusually vulnerable position. Yes, they have been working out real good! They sure done did the job. Didn’t they, PAULETTE?? Continue reading

Excerpt from “Intensifying Hearts & Dreams” – season 17, episode 30


On-screen text: Previously on Intensifying Hearts & Dreams…


And we are back, after a shocking midseason finale and an extended election break! While the TV audience is still stuck in FRANK‘s recently vacated, green-grey dream, let’s take a look at what’s been going on in the story proper. Continue reading

Excerpt from ”Modern Love” – season 376, episode 44,257


Int: The Crystal Palace, tickle chamber

PENELOPE is sitting at the lab table reading documents pertaining to marine biology, a bucket of multicoloured, gyrating tentacles by her side. She furrows her brow in contemplation of these difficult matters. LEO enters from the Yellow Gardens with a tray of new samples, which wriggle about sleepily. They have the build of large shrimp, but the texture of salmon and each has a beak, a horn and a pair of vestigal wings.


Latest haul from PROFESSOR SPECTRE. Do you have time to take a look at these?
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Excerpt from “Intensifying Hearts & Dreams” – season 16, episode 9


Int: the Gastronomy Institute, seclusion chamber.

FRANK is in the room, alone. He is sitting in a special chair, his limp frame propped up by various wires and contraptions. The chair sits inside a complex, oval MEDICAL POD that monitors his existence. FRANK’s mind is connected to gastronomical devices through a tube sticking out of his brain stem. His hands are bandaged, his skin is pale, and his eyes are completely white. He sings-


Ho hum, diddle and dumb –

Singing a soong in a hospital roongm –

Where is the future, where is the past? –

Have the vultures made off with my mystical staff? –

Staff in the sense of personnel, you see –

Not a magic cane that could delight you and me.

  Continue reading

Excerpt from “Intensifying Hearts & Dreams” – season 16, episode 1


Int: the Intensifying Hearts Club & Leisure Centre, in the women’s bathroom.

The women of the town – SALINA the rooster, MARCIA the mental case, MONICA the lovestruck fool, PENELOPE the betrayed lover, MADAME MORGANNA the matriarch, EDITOR the complainer, and a number of unnamed ones – are gathered in the bathroom. All of the women except for MADAME MORGANNA are in full histrionic meltdown.


A new girl? A new girl in our town?



That’s right. A beautiful one, too.



PAULETTE…. Her name is.. PAULETTE!!?



It is, I’m afraid. She is PAULETTE, the new girl who just arrived to our town a few hours ago.

Continue reading

Excerpt from “Intensifying Hearts & Dreams” – season 15, episode 100


Int: Location unknown, the Committee Interrogation Chamber

A dark room with stone floor, a stone door in a stone wall, and a vast black nothingness ahead. DADDY and ANGÉL GABRIÉL are standing in what little light there is, looking out into nothing. ANGÉL is standing further back, by the door, fidgeting, clutching himself and looking extremely nervous. DADDY stands in front, cross-armed, with a steely expression full of disappointment and barely-suppressed indignation.


I don’t like this one bit, sir. I feel far from good.



No shit sherbet. This isn’t something meant to be liked in any way. And keep your voice down, everything we do or say is being recorded. Our very minds are being analysed, so keep your wits about you.


Continue reading

Excerpt from “Intensifying Hearts & Dreams” – season 15, episode 99


Int: The Gastronomy Institute, treatment room.

MARCIA is lying on an observation sofa. She is semi-catatonic, but her eyes are open. Her expression is tormented, lost. Streaks of mascara from her red eyes all the way to the floor – that is how much she has been crying. DR. ADAMSON is sitting in a chair by the desk. He is holding a large double scotch and cradling his tired head in his free hand.


Oy vey. Another week, another complete disaster. Will all our schemes be undone again?



Aaah… Gord loveeee phah…



I sure wish you weren’t so heartbroken and catatonic, MAR. You make even worse company than usual. Ah, women….

  Continue reading

Excerpt from “Intensifying Hearts & Dreams” – season 15, episode 39


Ext: The baybee park by the Intensifying Heart Club, summer. 

DADDY is taking the baybee for a walk in a stroller. He is sitting on a bench, enjoying an ice cream, and the baybee is sleeping peacefully. FRANK is lying face down in the grass, twitching and shivering in a state of bliss.


Quite a lovely day to take SALINA and ANGÉL’s baybee for a stroll, wouldn’t you agree, my good chap?



Quite so indeed, fellow.



Let’s discuss the plan once more. I will use this baybee to distract the Committee-

Continue reading