Dear all sweet Masons of our collective and treasured truth! A lot has been said in these pages about Trumpnik. But let’s switch our approach for a bit. Here comes a question for you: How about that sweet old grandmotherly lady, who is possibly a corrupt shill for the suicidal capitalists and/or Rotschild bankers, clearly does not understand the mysteries of modern technology fully, and/or may just be a working politician trying to do her best? In short, would you consider voting for Hillary Clinton?
Charlene “Arlene” Davidson – Former child beauty pageant winner, chicken sandwich recipe website proprietor, self-proclaimed dispensor of down-to-earth country wisdom
Hell no! Don’t trust Crooked Hillary – she is Crooked! Don’t you stupid liberals understand that’s why she’s called Crooked Hillary? You wouldn’t call someone that if they weren’t crooked would you? Check mate liberal scum! The important thing is to have a president who is a successful businessman and will fight against Wall Street and the establishment! Also, look at communist Europe. They’ve let in so many Syrians that most euro countries are now made up of over 40% terrorist Muslim and climbing! Hillary proposes up a plan to let in five refugees a month, and at that rate the country will be 100% muslim in a while as a inevitability! And just look at what good the Hillary-like communist policies have served them – they now have to turn in all their hard-earned money to Romanian lobbyists who hang around street corners! These so-called tax collecters are actually foreigners involved in a yuge conspiracy in league with Count Dracula of Transylvania, who leads the traveling taxmen society along with many lesser rural Draculas peppering the Romanian countryside of Bulgaria! And what have the poor little French and Danish gotten out of this Big Government scam? Not a god-blessed dang thing! Their society is falling apart owing to the Bulgarian Draculas in their colorful clothes and the Big Bank in London City sucking in all their cash to build secret underground tunnels and who knows what! Hillary wants all this, has taken part in all this, and maybe was even what started all of this! Vote for her – you gotta be joking!
D’Addario “Daddy” Wilkinson – Club owner extraordinaire, notorious playboy, swinger club gold star member, philantropist
Sure I will. I think you have to take an overall view of the candidates of an election. Don’t go with your gut. I know this will sound counter-intuitive to the younger readers, but knowledge and science have taught us that our guts – intuition – will lead us wrong time after time. If you think you know what is obvious about something, you need to look harder. And so, after thirty years of attacks and propaganda, any smoking gun regarding Hillary Clinton would most likely have been uncovered long ago. So you gotta look at the things we know about her, not conspiracy theories. The fact is that despite the hopes and dreams of Assange and his russian friends, all the leaked emails show Hillary to be exactly what we thought she was: a competent middle-of-the-road career politician. Are there things you can critisise about her? Of course. But what we need in an uncertain world is competence and responsibility, not bluster and impulse. And I spit on all the xenophobia, all this about walls and throwing people out of the country. Mass migration will probably only intensify over the coming decades, and you’ll want a serious person at the helm at that point – someone able to roll up their sleeves and get things done, not someone who throws stupid tantrums. Also, on a personal note, I had her as a visitor to the Club once and she was simply delightful, divine.
Deacon Storme – Organic farmer, flower child, non-conformist
I say that both candidates of this election are just as bad. When this happens, it is a very good idea to look at some third-party choices and boy do we have a couple of nice ones this year! My favored favourite would be Jill Stein. What a lovely woman in touch with Mother Earth and all the spirits of the organic potato fields! And what a singing voice. You can always trust a singer, as they are in touch with the fairies! She will save the world from the evil poisonous corporations who wish to poison all our crops and she will stop the evil vaccines from giving us all autism. Also she will single-handedly pay back our student loans, by the power of Grayskull! With that said, Hillary Clinton is not even my second choice. That venerated position goes to the Libertarian, Gary Johnson. Nowadays, I’m more passionate about Mother Earth and the delightful pixies of the strawberry fields, but when I was in college I sure was inspired by Libertarianism! What a strong ideology, full of entrepreneurialismic strength, all in the glorious name of Ayn Rand, an inspiring woman who certainly lived by her convictions in every way! If you vote for Gary, he will kindly remove the government, which as we all know is in the pocket of Big Pharma and Big Business. Without the government, we will all be free and able to grow healthy crops. This will also remove things like health codes and organic certification on foods, which as we all know just get in the way anyway. If we let the Free Market decide every single thing in our lives, we can’t go wrong. After all, I certainly wouldn’t buy crops I haven’t researched and tested fully – or better still, grown on my own – so I assume you wouldn’t either! Gosh, these candidates are so good that I wish I could vote for both of them. Don’t worry about people trying to tell you that a vote for either of these two is a vote wasted. We should never care about trifles such as the practical consequence of our actions. The important thing is what is in our stomachs, hearts and divine souls, as our ancient Chinese friends tell us! Vote with your heart, and let’s drink good natural organic eggplant soup under the watchful eye of Alosaka!