Int: the Intensifying Heart Club, wine lounge

DADDY, DR. ADAMSON and POLLYANNA are seated at a small table, sipping from glasses of expensive red wine. The table is covered by pieces of money and scattered paperwork.

DR. ADAMSON

So let’s run through this one more time. The Club is losing business, we’ve lost what little influence we had at the Committee, and now you’ve recieved an e-mail from FRANK. Is that the gist of it?

 

DADDY

Yep.

 

DR. ADAMSON

How is that possible? I thought we were solid with the buearocrats thanks to PASTOR JING. There’s never before been any competition whatsoever when it comes to this place. And most importantly, I have FRANK on surveillance ’round the clock. He’s neither moved nor given any signs of waking up since he spoke about insects last thursday. He is barely even breathing anymore. How is it that he’s been sending correspondence??

 

DADDY

Ah, it was a dream. I dreamt that I got an e-mail from FRANK. But it’s fine, I remember every word. I wrote them down as soon as I awoke.

 

POLLYANNA

It never ceases to amaze, the events you fellows seem to find normal…

 

DADDY

When it comes to our leader and teacher, expect the impossible. It’s a good thing that he’s about to return, as we are in a river of smoldering shambles without a life jacket, or any kind of a jacket for that matter. I asked the DOCTOR to bring you along, POLLY, because it’s time to lay it all on the table. This is an attempt to appeal to your better nature.

 

POLLYANNA

We’re at the “bargaining” stage, I see. Go on, then.

 

DADDY

I can’t reveal the contents of FRANK‘s e-mail to someone outside of our inner circle, but the other stuff will all be public soon anyway. First off, I don’t know how he did it, but THE MAYOR has succeeded in his insane scheme to launch a restaurant where every meal served was created by accident, in nature, without human design or intervention. This is now a global trend, he’s in all the glossy mags, people are flocking from all over the place to dine at his “Munch House”… We’re losing customers and money like a jackass, we’re getting shit reviews online… And the Club is our major source of revenue, since the Gastronomy Institute mainly does pro-bono charity work, as… Uh, as you’ll have discovered.

 

POLLYANNA

Haha!

 

DR. ADAMSON

Blimey…

 

DADDY

So as if that weren’t enough, our political clout has also evaporated. According to our man ANGÉL, there was quite the shitstorm at the Committee’s last gathering.

 

FYLOSO

I can confirm this, ohh golly Christ!

 

DADDY

Our ex-ally, PASTOR JING, put on a real show. We don’t actually know how much of what he did was just a pre-planned act of political theatre, and how much was as dramatic as it seemed. But in any case, he apparently is now in charge of the Committee. He has declared Scientology the official religion of Doomtown; it will now be taught in schools instead of natural science; there will be mandatory auditing instead of hospital care; he even used some kind of hologram generator to trick the delegates into thinking that L. RON HUBBARD himself was present; all who might oppose him have folded…

 

DR. ADAMSON

Jesus shit…

 

DADDY

To top it all off, our young allies, ANGÉL and SALINA “THE ROOSTER” GABRIÉL, have taken it upon themselves to weave a secret plot without our knowledge. The idiots tried to blackmail my wife, NICKY the evil woman, in a misguided belief that she was the one who mothered MARCIA upon me. One moment of reflection and research would have shown them they were mistaken. But the children found themselves eager to jump into the world of intrigue, all plots blazing, before they were ready. And in their naive enthusiasm, they’ve inadvertently revealed some info about me which has given NICKY, the evil woman, leverage over me. You’ve met her yourself, POLLY, surely I don’t need to tell you that this is an unprecedented event we wish wouldn’t even have taken place.

 

POLLYANNA

I can see that, yes. Hmm.

 

DADDY

On the topic of ANGÉL, we also instructed him to muddy the waters by planting the idiotic notion that MYSTERY MASK and MADAME MORGANNA are the same person. Ridiculous… MYSTERY MASK isn’t even one person. It seems to have fooled exactly no one at the Committee, and now we are the subjects of MORGANNA’s humiliated rage as well.

 

POLLYANNA

Oh, gents. Surely you don’t have anything to fear from that sweet little old woman?

 

DR. ADAMSON chokes on his wine.

DADDY

Be that as it may. You can see that we’re in a pickle. So, I ask you to think on it, not as a tax examiner, but as a woman of flesh and blood. Is there no way you can make the audit go away? You’re keeping the DOCTOR occupied for all hours at the time we most sorely need his always esteemed advice and expertise.

 

POLLYANNA

While I am not so easily placated by alliteration, I had been thinking along similar lines as well. I am no monster, even if I work for the government. Given these troublesome events and the effects on this delightful town were they not contained, and given my personal relationship with DR. ADAMSON, I believe I shall agree to suspend the audit for the nonce.

 

FYLOSO

Relationship…? Oh la la…! Of a personal nature…? Oh my garsh…!

 

POLLYANNA

Understand you, gents: You are not off any relevant hooks. The audit will go on… After the troublesome bothers of this town have been cleared up fully.

 

DR. ADAMSON beams and wipes away an errant tear.

DADDY

You have our eternal gratitude, merciful government lady. This act of benevolance shall not go unrewarded!

 

POLLYANNA

Oh… I am rewarded each day, by finally having acquired such a fine man.

 

DR. ADAMSON

Please, POLLY, this old heart canst not bear further compliment. Come now, dear, the Boss Man and I must ride to meet with the one living person who may yet save the day! Though of late, I find myself pondering the hows and whethers of such a heroic feat. Come, DADDY, destiny beckons!!! We must prepare for FRANK‘s long-awaited return!!!

 

Ext: the parking lot outside the Intensifying Heart Club

DADDY, DR. ADAMSON and SALINA are waiting for FRANK by the garbage cans. It is night and the rain pours. The three of them are wearing raincoats and hats.

SALINA

Please… We were just trying to help sort out the situation with NICKY. We did the best we could. Now I am to be punished by FRANK? Believe me, it was all ANGÉL who plotted and planned… As a loyal wife, I was an unwilling accomplice. Mercy please…

 

DADDY

Be silent and consider what you aim to tell him. If you had any sense in that womanly mind of yours, you would have talked your dandy husband out of his silly plan. That is the role of the dutiful woman. Also, I don’t understand why you didn’t just clear your plans through my office. You know all secret plotting needs to be approved and stamped at the Club – it even says so on the big noticeboard in the staff area.

 

SALINA

We wanted to save time… We knew you were busy dealing with the very woman we were trying to dispatch. Please… Don’t let him punish us… (Pitiful crying)

 

DR. ADAMSON

If we were able to influence the actions of FRANK, the first thing we would have done is make him return sooner. The situation is now most dire in the extreme, and all may be lost.

 

DADDY

And in any case, FRANK didn’t say to bring you along for punishment. He just instructed me to present you to him, and didn’t specify further. Be quiet now. I would like a few moments of contemplation.

 

SALINA

Why would he ask for my prescence otherwise… I am nothing, nothing…!

 

DR. ADAMSON

Whatever you are, I should think you worry unduly. FRANK was still in his seclusion chamber as of fifteen minutes ago. Mayhaps a dream is just a dream.

 

SALINA

Spare me, then, and let me go home… What will my baybee do if I am punished…?

 

DADDY

Stop it with the dramatics.

 

Long moments pass. The men are contemplative and stony-faced. SALINA tries to stifle her despondent crying. The rain falls.

DR. ADAMSON

Oh Patience, sweet muse, do not desert me now…

 

DADDY

You’re being very poetic lately.

 

Suddenly SALINA doubles over. She convulses powerfully, leans against the dumpster, and slumps to the ground.

DADDY

For God’s sake, woman. Give it a rest with the fucking theatrics!

 

SALINA?

You two adults know more than anyone that theatrics is an irreducible part of it all. And I do what I have to do.

 

SALINA rises unnaturally off the ground, like a doll being lifted by its strings. She levitates a few centimetres off the ground, facing the men with a silver halo, a serene face, and a spiritual pose.

DR. ADAMSON

By the demigods…!

 

FYLOSO

Ooh buddy…!

 

DADDY

Lord…!

 

They drop to their knees.

FRALINA

Thank you for your service and devotion. I apologise unreservedly for my abscense. The spiritual world comes with more complex paperwork than even I knew. You got my message all right, then?

 

DADDY

Y-yes, it arrived on my electronic mail account in my dreams. How is it that you come to be here… in this form?

 

FRALINA

All in good time, my friend. I’m glad my message got through. I’ve been traversing realms unknown, and I happened to find a mystical laptop in the memories of an Aztec ghost. I doubt it was even a real computer…

 

DR. ADAMSON

Is this the way you will contact us now? And all along SALINA thought she was brought here to answer for ANGÉL’s failed manipulations…

 

FRALINA

What? I don’t even know what that refers to. I haven’t been able to keep up with the affairs of the physical world all that well. You are right, from now on I will enter this world through the guise of another! My soul is being projected over the mystic radio waves from the Mental Travelling Monastery, which is currently parked within SALINA’s feeble thoughts. It is easier, you see, the more weak-thinking the individual is, because then I can overpower their soul fully. Now, I can feel the pull of my real body. DOCTOR, I ask that you cease any life-prolonging activities at once.

 

DR. ADAMSON

I’m to… let you die?

 

FRALINA

Absolutely! That will detach my soul completely. This should enhance my spiritual powers. Declare me dead and gone, host a funeral most giddy and grand, and allow our enemies a moment of celebration!

 

DR. ADAMSON

I don’t know… The hypocritical oaths of mine and so on…

 

DADDY

It’ll be fine, we can make it seem like an accident. But are you sure you won’t disappear into nothing, leader?

 

FRALINA

As long as I have a body to jump into, I will be fine. I’ve had my soul amputated with assistance from my new allies. I can’t reveal who they are, I am sorry. You shall need to trust me. Now… It is time to discuss our coming challenges.

 

DADDY

Ah, yes. You are surely referring to PASTOR JING’s betrayal of our cause and subsequent Scientological takeover of the city.

 

FRALINA

What? No. Uh, not at all… I haven’t really kept up with affairs in town, as I say. Probably best if you just ignore it. It might be a small annoyance to some of my new allies, but it won’t matter in the long run.

 

DR. ADAMSON

Then you mean to say that THE MAYOR’s increasing dominance of this town is a larger concern?

 

FRALINA

Who? THE MAYOR? Do I know him?

 

DADDY

You’ve known him for years, sir. I mean, he’s mayor of this town… It’s kind of in the title?

 

FRALINA

You’ll have to forgive me. With my new spiritual mode of existence, I can’t really remember less vital things about the mortal world. Well… Maybe my intelligence is lowered slightly by this particular host body. Anyway, don’t worry about this MAYOR fellow. That’s not something we need to be concerned with.

 

DR. ADAMSON

Then I, for one, can’t guess what you’re talking of. The return of DADDY’s wife? The audit of the Institute?

 

FRALINA

Listen closely. Think back to when we tried to go all the way at the Club. We used the deathlist, the blood of cousinry and the mystical gloves. And we tried to pry apart the barriers of sense and compromise. We all believed we failed, didn’t we?

 

DADDY

Obviously we did… You were awfully injured, the Club was rent asunder, we had to answer to the Committee… And our goal eluded us.

 

FRALINA

Yes. Those things are true. But little did we know, we didn’t fail as completely as we thought. This is one of the things I was able to learn at the Monastery, as the monks felt the reverberations in the Spirit Void that day and took it upon themselves to investigate. And their findings were stunning. Even though the primary aim of the project was not achieved, the shocking burst of spiritual energy opened a small crack in the Club’s deepest basement. This crack went unnoticed by the cleaning staff, it festered, and grew into a portal… To another world!!!

 

The others observe FRALINA in silent awe for a moment. Then…

DR. ADAMSON

What… What kind of world…?

 

FRALINA

You may have seen it occasionally on the TV above the bar. It is a world called Modern Love. It is rather quite similar to our own, but with key differences. Most importantly for our purposes, it is home to a secret society called the Shadow Order of Science Monks. According to my sources, this group’s members are underwater wildlife, they reside in a place called the Tropic Forest, and crucially, they are able to emit and control Spirit Waves. Magic stuff, you dig???

 

DADDY

Jesus.

 

FRALINA

He has nothing to do with this… His magic is much too weak. Anyway… It is fully possible for anyone who can access the Club’s basement to travel freely to and from this mysterious world. There may already have been visitors, leakages. Need I say more? DR. ADAMSON, your mission shall be to binge-watch as much of the Modern Love program as possible to gather data! I have ordered some DVD box-sets for you. DADDY, you must take steps at once to protect this valuable resource. Tighten security at the Club and bill it to my account! Place guards in front of every entrance to the basement! When we have consolidated our info and the perimeter is secure, we shall stride forth into the Modern Love world, in search of the mysterious Shadow Order!!! We shall breach this paltry reality and make for more fertile soil! Untold riches and deep, spiritual rejuvenation await!

 

DADDY

So this is the new path you’ve been alluding to?

 

FRALINA

It is but one of many options I’m investigating. No stone may be left unturned during my search. I will leave the investigation of this particular possibility to you gents, and I myself will keep travelling through unknown parts of the spiritual world.

 

DR. ADAMSON

Is there any way for us to contact you in case of emergency?

 

FRALINA

I’m unsure currently. I would advise you to learn lucid dreaming to a high level, and you may be able to grab the Monastery’s attention. But now I find my own attention span waning… It is time to go. You gents have a grand funeral to plan! I will see you again.

 

SALINA convulses again, suspended in mid-air, and then slumps unceremoniously to the ground, all signs of mysticism gone. She is unconscious.

DADDY

Oh great, now we have to carry this lady as well.

 

DR. ADAMSON

This sure was something… I can hardly believe it. Can’t say I really agree with the way he dismissed all our serious troubles… But I suppose FRANK has never lead us wrong in the past.

 

DADDY

Bollocks. He has lead us wrong many hundreds of times and you know that’s the truth. Were it not that we are all deeply unhappy people who desperately need for his ideas to come true, do you think we would ever have gone this far?

 

DR. ADAMSON

You are probably right, old friend. Well, I shall have to convince POLLY and bring her into the fold now. I don’t think I want to go on without her anymore.

 

DADDY

There’s an interesting confession. You know FRANK will need to approve her for the inner circle… In any case, this rain begins to wear on my patience. Let us return to the bar.

 

Suddenly, SALINA sits up and shouts in a panic.

SALINA

Aah! I just had a prophetic dream while crashing into slumber. My precious baybee… IS KIDNAPPED!!!

 

(CONT)